I need a scalpel. I've never actually used one before, but there are quite a few bumps and irregularities on my skin that I'd love to lop off and send in for further investigation. I also think they should make some sort of at-home biopsy collection kit that you can put your samples into, and a lab that will test the stuff you send in. How cool would THAT be? Strange, Obama has not returned my calls about including this as part of the national health care package.
There is probably some sort of medical word for my kind of crazy. It's not like I've actually DONE anything. I'm just a tired mom with a history of skin cancer and skin irregularities who really needs to find the time to see a doctor. I know at-home scalpel and biopsy kits would not be a smart mainstream product. I get that some idiot consumer would send in a finger or kidney or ex-husband's something-or-other and ruin it for the rest of us. No need to call in the authorities... see... I'm picking up the phone right now to call my dermatologist...
Just so you know, I've been warned that it would be best NOT to discuss certain topics here. A good friend of mine tried to explain to me that people would be afraid to buy my books and allow small children to read them if I disclose every strange thought and poorly-made parenting decision (planned for my next blog topic) in a public forum such as this. The same friend explained that while SHE thinks I'm funny - albeit highly unusual in some of my thought processes - she's not sure book-buying parents of toddlers would always agree. She hinted that blog topics of this nature would have the exact OPPOSITE effect of helping book sales.
I probably should have disclosed to my poor friend that telling a writer what not to write will almost always have the exact OPPOSITE desired effect. Dire warnings of horrible consequences make untouchable topics irresistible to writers. It's like a magnetic, self-destructive pull... can't... stop... myself...
Okay, time to hide the sharp objects and move on.
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